What IS the pastor doing, anyway?
Yeah, so this post will be a bit long— got some stuff that’s been burning for a while and it may take me some time to get this slow burn out in open, but, (deep breath) here goes. Oh wait, before I get into it, thanks for clicking and reading— I fully understand if you need to check out— the fact that you began matters. Ok, here goes:
I grew up in church (Likely story for many pastors— I know). I’ve seen lots of pastors at work: my grandpa was a Baptist preacher, I remember a pastor from the Pentecostal Holiness church when I was a kid, I think his name was Elwood? I remember Pastor Steve, Pastor Barry, Pastor Hartsell, Pastor Charles, Pastor Pope (GREAT name), Pastor Tom, Pastor Joe, Pastor Shirley, Pastor Jim. I remember the pastors that I’ve worked for and worked with— all of them different. I treasure the colleagues and pastor friends I have to this day. None of them perfect. All of them called by God.
And it seems that, now that I’m a pastor, my burning questions aren’t really going away with answers, they’re only increased in their burning intensity. And, my questions, while very common, aren’t often talked about because they can sometimes seem a little intrusive, even out of place. And I like that about questions, actually.
I have questions like:
Should pastors get paid (now that I’m a pastor, I have pretty strong opinion on this one lol)
Should pastors take vacations?
What about the work week— what do they do?
Why do some pastors travel so much— like, why would a pastor not be in his/her community more than an airplane?
Do pastors pray with their families? Like do they have morning prayer together or something? Like an at home church service?
How does a pastor preach a funeral for someone he/she hasn’t known?
And there are so many more. But one question, in particular, haunts me (really, all pastors):
When does a pastor get it right? Like, who lets a pastor know that he/she is doing their “job”— better, their vocation— successfully? Is it a board? The approving smiles and nods of the congregation or members? Other pastors? A denominational committee?
For that matter— what IS success? Who determines that?
Short answer (cliche even): God.
Ok, got it. Now what?
The problem is that “success” is a word that indicates we are ok— that we’re doing what we’re called to do and the results show it. The truth is that we are very rarely ok when we try to be ok in a framework that we’ve created.
Success is a very Americanized ideal— a creation of man. Was Jesus successful? Really? Several times it certainly didn’t look that way. But thousands of years later I think most churched people would answer with a resounding YES! In the moment, though, the church people couldn’t handle his teachings or his questions or his stories.
Was (insert the name of any Bible hero) a success? Really? What about the list of pastors above? We’re those folks successful? What about your list of pastors? Let’s be honest, we rank and rate them— and now I’m in someone’s list (shudder).
The title of this post is “What IS the pastor doing, anyway?” It’s a fair question. It’s an honest question. It’s a question that should be answered. It’s a question asked from a place of suspicion, and that’s ok, I think. I capitalized “IS” to give it emphasis— the existential verb, is.
Additionally, I’m currently sitting in The 205 Coffee Bar in Holland, MI— hundreds of miles removed from my family and my congregation. So, what exactly AM I doing? Why am I here?
I’m here to answer that question about success and life for a pastor, because I’m not the only one asking it. I’m here to get better at being a pastor. I’m here to get better and grow as a person— to die to myself again and more. I’m here to discover and lean in to the next season of ministry that God has for Shauna and me. I’m here to be frustrated with pithy, empty ideas— ideas tied to lies like “success has to do with how much money you make, raise or spend”, lies like “success has to do with beating last year’s numbers— expectations,” and “success is more about what you do than who you are.”
Yes, those are lies.
I’m here because I’ve entered a three year process with Western Seminary to study and discover more of who God has called me to be. Apparently, there will be a doctorate degree as a result— but that is really just a framework to put this work around.
I’ll tell you this much: I enjoy being a husband and a dad, I enjoy mowing my lawn, playing golf, being a son and a brother and an uncle— I enjoy the life that God has blessed me with— and, somewhere in my identity is rooted this idea of American pastor. I want to retell that story.
I heard Mandy Smith make this statement, recently: “If success looks like a 35 and half year old white dude who is married with two kids, extroverted, into cross fit and wears $400 sneakers, I’m out. God picked the wrong person.” Now, I’ve been 35 and a half, I am married and white and I have 2 kids— but I get it. That picture is a very limited view of success and, most of us wont fit into that mold (or jeans from 2019 at this point). I can also honestly admit that the idea of $400 shoes stresses me out— I mean, I walk on a lot of gravel…
The enemy says that God can only use certain types of people. That is a lie. The truth is that God absolutely uses all kinds of people— he uses everything and everyone he created. Each. Of. Us. He sees our failures, personalities, broken history, deep shame— he uses the shape of our lives to show the shape of God to this world. When we hold on to the lies that deny God and his creation, we are isolated from each other— and we’ll never discover or live in the truth.
So, back to the question, or title— let me answer that plainly:
This pastor (me) is traveling only when necessary because I really don’t enjoy being away from my wife and kids— and I will try and disrupt their lives whenever possible to go on trips (like the one I’m on) with me whenever possible— and I only wanna go places and do things that are attached to the vocation that God has called me to. I’m also not interested in filling my calendar and time with unnecessary things— so I say NO to many things. And, hear me out, my son’s baseball game and my daughter’s date night and going on fun trips with my wife are necessary things. Being with friends and laughing so hard that the beverage comes from my nose is important. I miss out on most invitations because I’ve already chosen what is important.
I am willing to allow others to join me in this rhythm of life, but I will not be ruled by someone else’s rhythm. I see myself as a servant to everyone, but I’m not ruled or controlled by anyone (well, maybe Shauna).
My week looks a lot like this:
time with God,
time with my family,
time with people,
time with scripture,
time with our leadership team,
time with study,
time with service.
And, lastly, this course of study that I’ve entered is important and it is a big deal. It is part of my vocation, my calling— and yes, my work as a pastor. I am eager to see how God speaks through this season in a way that will bring healing and life and hope to others, because he is already bubbling up new life in me.
So, that’s what I’m doing right now— at least, trying.
Amen.