Real Communication Only Happens When You Do This
One of the most essential lessons I have learned is that it takes time to listen and understand. Healthy teams thrive when each person feels understood.
I had just come out of an exciting meeting.
Yes, I know that statement sets off "nerd alert" vibes. But this particular meeting was with our whole team. We were dreaming and envisioning something big that would change our organization, how we functioned, and how we interacted with our people (in the business world, they're called clients-- in the non-profit world, we call them "our people"). It was one of those moments where we were high-fiving each other in slow motion. I'm pretty sure someone would find a cooler of Gatorade to dump on my head as I raised my fists in victory, screaming with joy.
Not only did we have great ideas, we pointed at each other, assigned roles, put the action plan together, and scattered to get to work. All that was missing was that huddle moment-- you know, where everyone puts their hands in the middle, and someone yells, "Break!" This was a significant change. We were pumped.
The next day, everyone seemed to have forgotten. We all settled in, checked email, began typing... and the day went on. The excitement was gone. Not only that, several of us added the TO-DO items from the previous day's meeting to our existing lists. Yep-- we put them on our list-- right below the other TO-DO items that never got TO-DONE.
Where did we lose the enthusiasm? What happened?
As the leader of this particular team, I was very frustrated. How did we lose that momentum so quickly?
So, I began reflecting: didn't we have an action plan? Weren't we excited? Weren't we on the same page? Wasn't the dry-erase board full of our ideas? I walked the hallways and checked in with folks. After a few conversations, I realized it. While we had shared excitement over what "could be" from the meeting, not everyone was as excited to immediately shift gears and change overnight. To me, it felt like we were solving long-standing, systematic tensions. To others, it felt like we were calling their current jobs problematic for the future, and an uneasiness settled in for them.
And it hit me: communication isn't just talking, sharing, and devising a plan. It is initiated by those things, but it only happens when I understand that you understand that I understand where you're coming from. Yeah, my brain just turned to concrete. Read that again—slowly.
Communication isn't just relaying information, sending an email, or making an announcement. If communication happens, it is because time has been allowed to do its essential work. And time is one thing we all want to capitalize on because we only have so much of it. So, slowing down to ensure that we understand each other isn't exactly second nature-- in fact, it can feel like a waste. We'd rather have folks "get what we're saying" so we can move fast. But that isn't happening.
So, the number one thing I have found helpful in communication is this: slow down to understand. That meeting would have been way more successful if I had created a simple process after all the high-fiving. It may have looked like this:
"Hey, gang. That was fun. Let's take some time to process this. Think about it over the next 24-48 hours, and let's meet again to debrief. We need to hear the pros and cons, and we can only consider it carefully with some time. I'll email you to schedule our next conversation on this."
Slowing down and processing don't need to prolong a vision unnecessarily; rather, they need to help refine and create buy-in. Refining will bring up possible roadblocks so we can identify and overcome them. Creating buy-in will discourage those "meeting after the meeting" conversations we all hate. The bottom line is this: authentic communication isn't efficient, but it is essential.